Season 8 Of MTV’s Are You The One Premieres Tonight With It’s First Sexually Fluid Cast

Seven seasons of fights, drunken hookups, MTV’s The Challenge stars made, and some promising love connections. My favourite social experiment love show Are You The One is back tonight with an all new-cast.

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Contestants have 10 weeks to find their “perfect match”, with a chance to win $1 million dollars to split. With a sexually fluid cast the challenge to find the perfect match for these 16 singles is greater, but more fun.

Catch the season premiere at 9/8c on MTV tonight, and let’s see if this cast f*cks it up like season 5…


Let’s Stop the Bullsh*t Notion That You Have To Be Friends With Your Ex

Disclaimer: this article is based on my own experiences and my feelings on this subject because of those experiences.

With one week until Valentine’s Day, I wanted to delve into a topic that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. I have spent the last few years, let’s say 7 or 8 being the definitive years of my dating life of thus far, with the idea that in order to have a healthy, and successful break-up I had to remain friends with my ex. I had to be ‘the cool ex-girlfriend who wasn’t hurt or affected. The majority of my relationships to be fair had begun as friendships so I wanted to keep those going, but the older I get the more I realize how unhealthy it can be to tirelessly try to maintain a friendship with an ex. Naturally, there are many factors that may lead you to believe you need to keep that friendship bracelet on; perhaps you’re in the same friend group and you don’t want to mess that up, maybe you share a child or pet. For me personally, I fear the mutual friends of my ex and myself will choose him over me. And if I’m not cool about him being around then I’m somehow the bad guy. I end up appearing ‘petty’ and he “wins”. This is post-break-up powerplay that isn’t healthy for me. Whatever the case may be I am now (after many years) under the firm belief that we do not owe anyone any of our time or emotions. That is just the key in this for me: EMOTIONS.
Within the activities, I have found myself participating in with an ex as I try to maintain a friendship there have been emotions brought up. Maybe we grabbed a drink somewhere we used to go to, this can bring up memories I don’t really need to relive (good or bad) because we already lived it once. And let’s not play pretend that it does not sometimes lead to a hookup that we regret. In my case, I found myself going out of my way to invite my ex to my birthday parties, or gatherings with friends so everyone could see how cool we were despite the breakup. Very slowly I began to inform him of my small daily wins and everything felt good. Here we were not romantically connected anymore, no obligations, but still maintaining the same level of contact and honestly intimacy in our chats. This cycle needed to stop when it began to sink my mind back into the habit of texting him daily once again and things became too familiar for my liking. A person who had broken my trust and my heart was now let back into my life in an emotional witness-protection program with a constant defence of “no we’re cool now, he’s much better as a friend”. But who was I trying to prove to that we were able to be just friends? Our mutual friends? Him? Certainly not myself right? This was becoming more complicated than our relationship and it had to stop.

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Mila Kunis says it like it is tbh

I had found that a friendship with a former lover brought out the most negative qualities from the relationship into the friendship. All the petty remarks but this time around there is no fear of losing them, we’re just playing, right? Like you do with a friend. You’re able to say the things you felt you couldn’t before and it is not always the nicest. Yet, all of the hurt from the broken relationship remains, the pain and betrayal remain, and it requires a different level of forgiveness now. Perhaps we reach a point where we (as exes) think we’re okay to talk about new love interests with one another, and sometimes you just aren’t ready. And the sting, the heart drop you feel when someone who was once your everything finds someone new, well it hurts. I leaned more toward playing it cool, mentioning a new guy only if prodded about it. I’ve been on the opposite side of that, I’ve met the ex of a person I’m dating and I can’t help but compare my own experiences to theirs. Don’t do that, don’t be a Nikki. I’m sure you can see the bias rambling found it’s place in this article and that’s okay because this is my site. But what do you do next? The cutoff phase, the opposite of Thank U, Next. A friendship breakup is hard, a love breakup is harder but now combine the two. It’s a grieving process and your emotions don’t make any sense. It’s like a detox from a person and the needs they fulfilled and it is hard.

Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be friends with your ex what I’m saying is that we need to scratch out this notion that you’re a bad person if you aren’t. I’m not a relationship expert, nor a psychologist of any capacity, but I don’t want to be labelled as the bad guy for not wanting to see someone I have a deep and emotional history with. I shouldn’t have to feel bad about not being the cool ex-girlfriend. I can still be cordial, and yes I’m still close with a few of my exes, but I don’t need to interact or message my ex on a regular basis because let’s face it: there is a reason we broke up.

The Anxiety Diaries Volume 1: Relationships

Maintaining a seemingly normal life while dealing with anxiety can present a lot of struggles for me. I’ve decided that in order to help me deal with these struggles I would create a new post series titled: The Anxiety Diaries. I have read (and attempted to respond to) all your replies, and messages regarding my posts about depression and anxiety and it means the world to me that other people can relate. So I hope this series helps you too. Whether you live with depression and anxiety or know someone who does I just want my thoughts to be understood.

Disclaimer: My views, and ideas of and in relationships are not that of everyone else’s. Not every human has the same anxieties or thoughts as I do.

Aside from that disclaimer I wanted to start this off by prefacing: I am the perpetually single friend. Not in an early series Sex In The City Miranda sort of way but an “I don’t get into committed relationships” type way. I date people, I talk to people, I see people, but I do not commit to them. This is not due to my fear of commitment or emotional abandonment, but honestly, it might be, but more so my lifestyle choices. I am openly flighty. I spent the greater part of my early 20s as an emotional robot. I had some feelings, and some were what I believe to be love. But for the majority of it all, I was in it for myself and sought only after pleasure. Never a sense of security, or the desire to grow with another person in a relationship. I don’t believe this is a matter of my anxiety, I do however believe my current relationship views are fueled by my anxiety. 

Following the death of my father last year, I am now doing something most have done their whole lives and I am FEELING. It was incredibly overwhelming to be smacked with so many emotions, many I had never felt before and I often still have trouble now processing them. I have said and written it a million times over but my dad was my best friend. This was the person I went to with any problem, rant, or even just to tell a story to. I often worry that my emotional dependence on my dad has set me up to have trouble opening up to potential partners. I still feel as though my dad was taken from me, so the fear of someone I open up to be taken from me (or just leaving) is very much a reality for me. Related, there is always the thought in the back of my head that I will never be able to have a partner meet my dad, and vice versa. In the rare occurrence when I was smitten by someone I would tell my dad, and he would be genuinely happy for me and excited to meet the person who made my resting sad face a happy one. I don’t want every problem I have in a relationship to be brought back to the death of my father. But, even when I am happy I feel guilty about it. 

I want to circle back to a post I did a while ago on ‘bailing’. The post titled: I’m Sorry I Bailed, I’m Too Sad To Move was a hard piece for me. Almost any piece that is not pop culture related is hard for me to post, but flows easily when I write it. I was able to better explain why I was a no-show for a lot of parties and dates in that post. I find it far too easy to maintain the comfortable chats, and sense of emotional security by utilizing social media and texting. A very real fear for me becomes not being able to live up to the person I am when I write. The only way I know how to express myself (Aside from yelling of course) is writing. Texting makes me feel safe about my feelings. I can send a message and then flip my phone over like a 16-year-old. The message is sent and worst case scenario, I change the subject. And of course as easy as it is to type how I feel it is just as easy to bail on plans. And bail on my feelings, because let us remember how flighty I am. Being flighty also means I grow tiresome and bored of people easily because I think everyone thinks this way. I will stop being intimate with a person, speaking to them on an emotional level, and dodge any contact with them the minute I feel they are bored with me.

Okay, I am not totally incapable of a relationship I just prefer to keep my feelings safe by not committing. I continue to suffer from my silver medal complex and feeling second best is never fun. 2 years ago I wrote a piece based on a relationship I was in about this. In Never Good Enough I wrote:

In one of the most significant romantic (not-so-monogamous) relationships of my adult life, I spent the majority of the time feeling second best, despite the incredible amount of support, love, and reassurance that I was more than enough. It took me a while to realize that no matter how much reassurance from my “partner” was given, no matter how many false promises were made (to be fair, I believed in the promises at the time), the feeling of being second best was yes in large part to their actions, but more so my own internal issues.

Years later and this all remains true for me These feelings, these anxieties and these thoughts. I believe that I am now more upfront with my feelings, I will push you away if I don’t feel as though you should “have to deal with” me. I still lack a grasp on how to properly articulate how I am feeling about certain things. I can’t explain being jealous but not jealous of the time a partner spends with another person. Attempting to put into words that I want to be alone without it coming off as a personal slight is near impossible. Perhaps I just have yet to find someone who I’m suited for and vice versa. 

At 27 years old I now find myself seeking a partner to reach mutual prosperity and pleasure in life. A person to understand my anxieties and fears and push me to be a better version of myself. For now, I will stick to being a cat lady. 

Truthfully I am goddamn scared of a relationship at this point in my life and anxiety. I’m afraid to give myself in my entirety to another person. I’m afraid of being a burden. I’m terrified of becoming emotionally attached to a person who cannot handle my anxiety. I feel as though I will be the problem, always. I believe that everyone is afraid of being hurt whether you have anxiety or not.

For information on couples therapy check out BetterHelp