More often than not I have a hard time accepting and often appreciating the incredible support system of friends and family (you know, all 4 family members) that I have cultivated over the last 27 years of my life. At a very young age my dad turned to my brother and I and told us, in the end, we would be all the other had sometimes. This reigns true even as adults and I understand how lucky I am to have such an amazing relationship with my brother. My dad and his sister were just as close as my brother and me and seemed to have a pretty similar relationship so I suspect my grandmother said the same to them. With Pops (my main man) gone I find the overwhelming sense of loneliness that comes with anxiety and depression to creep up more and more. This feeling is not exclusive to lingering when I am alone, I can be surrounded by loved ones and be internally screaming. I know I can go to my framily (chosen family) when I feel this way, I know I can go to them when I need emotional support. This knowledge does not stop the “emotional burden” thoughts from flooding my mind. I will spend hours typing and backspacing each character asking for help from someone but keep reminding myself “they’re probably busy” “what if they’re having a great day and I’m here to rain on that parade?”. I never feel this way when the tables are turned and someone comes to me for support.
Essentially it is all about remembering your worth but knowing your worth is a difficult thing. Each relationship in your life whether it is a romantic, or platonic should be with someone who reflects your worth. This person should be able to bring out parts of you that continue to reveal more, and more of your worth. I absolutely still have some relationships that do not do this but I’m working on being able to either cut these people out of my life or find a way to make it work. My support system continues to grow and I lucked out with a framily of dragon makers and a snack pack of work pals. Not everyone is this lucky and your support system in no way needs to be the loud weirdos I have, they just need to be the people you would even backspace the cry for help to. I am slowly learning to let people love and support me.
thenikkisin.com 