The Anxiety Diaries Volume 4: Allowing Your Support System To Support You

More often than not I have a hard time accepting and often appreciating the incredible support system of friends and family (you know, all 4 family members) that I have cultivated over the last 27 years of my life. At a very young age my dad turned to my brother and I and told us, in the end, we would be all the other had sometimes. This reigns true even as adults and I understand how lucky I am to have such an amazing relationship with my brother. My dad and his sister were just as close as my brother and me and seemed to have a pretty similar relationship so I suspect my grandmother said the same to them. With Pops (my main man) gone I find the overwhelming sense of loneliness that comes with anxiety and depression to creep up more and more. This feeling is not exclusive to lingering when I am alone, I can be surrounded by loved ones and be internally screaming. I know I can go to my framily (chosen family) when I feel this way, I know I can go to them when I need emotional support. This knowledge does not stop the “emotional burden” thoughts from flooding my mind. I will spend hours typing and backspacing each character asking for help from someone but keep reminding myself “they’re probably busy” “what if they’re having a great day and I’m here to rain on that parade?”. I never feel this way when the tables are turned and someone comes to me for support.

Image result for group hug GIF

Essentially it is all about remembering your worth but knowing your worth is a difficult thing. Each relationship in your life whether it is a romantic, or platonic should be with someone who reflects your worth. This person should be able to bring out parts of you that continue to reveal more, and more of your worth. I absolutely still have some relationships that do not do this but I’m working on being able to either cut these people out of my life or find a way to make it work. My support system continues to grow and I lucked out with a framily of dragon makers and a snack pack of work pals. Not everyone is this lucky and your support system in no way needs to be the loud weirdos I have, they just need to be the people you would even backspace the cry for help to. I am slowly learning to let people love and support me.

Published by Nikki Sin

Toronto based blogger, dreamer, and a green tea addict. Currently working with a fire breathing dragon, no seriously.

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