Up until maybe a few days ago I was unaware I could take a sick day from work under the pretense that it was a mental health day. A coping mechanism for me within the constructs of my struggles with depression and anxiety is to just keep busy. Pull a Nemo and just keep swimming. The difficult thing about avoiding your demons is that they will eventually catch up to you no matter how fast, or far you run. It can be easy to keep busy all Summer, for me at least. There is always a party, work to do, or some sort of distraction. The colder it gets, the more I want to stay in an inhale comfort food (lobster mac and cheese my dude I am looking lovingly at you). Staying in means marathoning nature documentaries I’ve seen a million times, a cornucopia of cat cuddles and my least favourite part: being in my own head.
This entire post, of course, is hypocritical as I tend to focus on caring for my loved ones and their problems before my own, this is a feeble attempt to pretend my problems aren’t there. They are very much there. They have a comfortable spot in my mind and seep into my day like an IV into one’s veins. I very much understand that by doing this my problems are not only not going away but forcing me to project the feelings I have about them on other people. I’m angry at things I shouldn’t be angry about because I refuse to take a look at why I really am angry. In the same way that I am sad about things that are not the true issue.
To reiterate, these posts are not about me offering advice (I have a marketing degree, not a psychology one) I just want to let people know they aren’t alone in their thoughts. It can be very easy to think this is the only way it will be, it’s not.