The Anxiety Diaries Volume 17: I'm Sorry, That I Say Sorry So Often

sor·ry

/ˈsärē,ˈsôrē/

adjective

1. feeling distress, especially through sympathy with someone else’s

2. feeling regret or penitence.

I am guilty of always feeling guilty. I have instilled guilt from the trauma in my life, and toxic relationships. (I hate that I cringed while typing the words ‘trauma’ and ‘toxic’). This is another short post because as I have stated in previous posts: I am not an expert. This is my outlet and I decided to take you all along on my journey.

It took me some time, frankly more than I care to admit, that when I was saying sorry I was not truly apologetic. I was merely aware I had done or said something wrong and acknowledging that. Knowing I had made a mistake was not the worst thing however, doing nothing to show I was willing to change was. Now, not everything I said sorry for was something I needed to necessarily change, for example: crying when I am angry. Crying is not just something you do when you’re sad, it is an emotional release. So I have begun to longer apologizing for crying because I am saying sorry for feeling emotions.

I knew I needed to look into why I chose to say sorry so often. I need to be looking in where all the guilt I was harboring came from. While it came from a number of sources I determined the main three. What has been working for me (and may or may not work for you too, I’m not an expert on anything other than myself) has been therapy, reviewing podcasts/published articles on anger and guilt, my own personal support system of amazing people in my life, and occasionally eating pizza and crying in bed (shoutout to Dominos pan pizza y’all).

I pride myself in knowing how, and why I do things. And I strive to do the same to discover how, and why I FEEL things. I believe it helps me to heal and move forward in my life.

How do you deal with guilt? Let me know in the comments section!